"Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries." ~ James Michener
To achieve great results, focus first on yourself – your beliefs and values, your deepest motives and perceptions – and then on your techniques.
I have this four traits about human characters and personality.
1. One is to be good for you but not for the other person. We call this win–lose. The danger in this is that the other person may feel defeated, slighted, or resentful contaminating the relationship.I have this four traits about human characters and personality.
2. To benefit the other person but not you — a lose–win proposition. In this, you may very well feel upset, possibly contaminating your future interactions.
3. it ends up bad for both of you. You both feel like you lost and you both will likely carry bad feeling forward. There is unlikely to be no happiness here for anyone and the future of the relationship may very well be put into jeopardy.
4. The best outcome is when you work hard to find a what works for both of you. You see to it that there are no losers. You both win and feel good about the outcome. This insures that you both continue to derive pleasure from the relationship without being dragged down by hurt or resentment.
Practicing Win–Win
The win–win process is fairly simple and straightforward, yet it is often not easy to pull off. This is so because it requires a much different mindset than most of us bring to our disagreements. Moreover, it requires some patience and self-control.
Be Alert. Rather than avoiding the differences or disagreements you may have in your relationships, acknowledge them. Be clear that, if ignored, they can fester and deprive you of the full pleasures these relationships can bring. Be aware that these disagreements provide a wonderful opportunity to deepen your bond with others so long as you handle the differences in a respectful win–win way.
Eliminate Upset. It is very difficult for two people to cooperate when one or both harbor hurt or resentment. How willing are you to patiently listen when you feel anger? How motivated are you to cooperatively find a win-win result when you carry hurt?
Adopt a Win–Win Attitude. This means that you make a commitment to find a solutions to your problems that works for both of you. You genuinely adopt the posture that you will not agree to a solution where you win but your companion loses. You also make sure to commit to not agree to a solution where the other person wins and you lose. You commit to only agree to a solution in which both of you win and neither of you loses.
Purposefully Listen. You presumably already know what is a win for you. You also need to know what is a win for the other person as well. How can you find a win-win without knowing the other person’s win as well as your own? To get this information, you need to purposely listen. This requires you to listen without judgment or censorship, just to understand. That is, you listen to exactly what each other wants without the intrusion of your own wants or values.
Synergistic Brainstorming.
Without emotional contamination, with the win–win mindset, and fully understanding what is a win for both of you, you are now primed to find a workable solution to your problems. Brainstorming solutions until you find
one that satisfies both of you. Be patient, though, because this can take some time and effort.
The win–win process is fairly simple and straightforward, yet it is often not easy to pull off. This is so because it requires a much different mindset than most of us bring to our disagreements. Moreover, it requires some patience and self-control.Be Alert. Rather than avoiding the differences or disagreements you may have in your relationships, acknowledge them. Be clear that, if ignored, they can fester and deprive you of the full pleasures these relationships can bring. Be aware that these disagreements provide a wonderful opportunity to deepen your bond with others so long as you handle the differences in a respectful win–win way.
Eliminate Upset. It is very difficult for two people to cooperate when one or both harbor hurt or resentment. How willing are you to patiently listen when you feel anger? How motivated are you to cooperatively find a win-win result when you carry hurt?
Adopt a Win–Win Attitude. This means that you make a commitment to find a solutions to your problems that works for both of you. You genuinely adopt the posture that you will not agree to a solution where you win but your companion loses. You also make sure to commit to not agree to a solution where the other person wins and you lose. You commit to only agree to a solution in which both of you win and neither of you loses.
Purposefully Listen. You presumably already know what is a win for you. You also need to know what is a win for the other person as well. How can you find a win-win without knowing the other person’s win as well as your own? To get this information, you need to purposely listen. This requires you to listen without judgment or censorship, just to understand. That is, you listen to exactly what each other wants without the intrusion of your own wants or values.
Synergistic Brainstorming.
Without emotional contamination, with the win–win mindset, and fully understanding what is a win for both of you, you are now primed to find a workable solution to your problems. Brainstorming solutions until you find
one that satisfies both of you. Be patient, though, because this can take some time and effort.
